PARENTING WHILE SINGLE

Parenting while single is not easy but it is worth it!

Wow and wow, who knew!

After finding out I was pregnant, I couldn’t wait to share the news, especially after I went through all of the emotions that came popped in my head that cold and snowy morning , December 28, 2000 @ 4:28am.  everything was going well with my relationship, or so I thought.  I was definitely old enough, 31 wasn’t to young in fact, I was probably considered late.  My friends were well into raising their children, I was picking out names, daycares, outfits and nursery themes.

Don’t worry, all will be well!  that what I thought at least, he wasn’t so happy, in fact, he wasn’t thrilled at all!  Talking about the complete opposite of what I was felling and or thinking, so was he!  He knew just how to burst my bubble!  Everything change in an instant.  what was supposed to be the highlight of my life, now seemed gloomed from the start.

What? Why? When did he change?  Did I miss something?  No, no and no, he mislead you.  He wasn’t upfront nor open with you!  Go ahead and begin to pick yourself up and move on. That’s definitely easier said that done.

Talk about conviction and self judgement, I was the world’s worst!  I couldn’t get over all that I had survived only to become a statistic, how did I fall prey and be so foolish!  I cried when I could at other times I put on a brave face and pretended that all was well and my life was grand, while dying a slow death on the inside.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want my baby, in fact she was my miracle child, I just didn’t want my situation.   Couldn’t I for once, have it my way, not!  He never changed and he never stop trying to explain things away.  Oh well, dying and having an abortion were not options, so adapting and adjusting were my only options.   Assess and take note of what I did have and move forward, we have a life to live!

She arrived and she became my reason for being!  She helped me be a better person by being the best Mother I could be!  I think I signed her up for everything she could be signed up for and then some.  We kept busy!  My friend tole me she was proud of me because I kept my word, which she had to remind me of what it was of course.  It was simply that I would raise my daughter with a “full life” mentality and not and “absent father” mentality!  I did.  Even with this thought in mind, I never spoke negatively about her dad to her.   I reminded my daughter that she could only change self and not others, and she was held to the standard of respecting him regardless of his character.

Over the years we had our ups and downs but we laughed a lot and loved much!  We are definitely close and share a bond that allows us to be silly and serious all at the same time.  We have DMT ( dead man talks) and BT ( bubble talks) which allows us to speak our truths in a safe space, priceless!  She tells me that her friends always talk about our relationship as they see it, which warms my heart.  I am eternally grateful to be her mom and I thank God for entrusting her to me, in spite of and despite of.

We have experienced every phase I can think of with anticipation of those to come but I still say, although it wasn’t easy, parenting while single has definitely been worth it!

~Deana

 

PS.  the term single parent came with a stigma of being a statistic, parenting while single gave me the power of having and making a choice!

Change your thoughts, change your words change your words, change your life!

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